Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
