If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
