The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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