Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
