In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
