Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
