So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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