I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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