We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
