I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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