I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
