U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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