Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
