honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
