well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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