Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
