Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
