I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
