people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
