my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
