Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
