dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
