So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
