No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
