so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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