please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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