do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
