You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
