Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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