I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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