Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
