She said her name was "party"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
