Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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