I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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