P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
