May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
