Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
