whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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