I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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