I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
