I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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