My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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