my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
