I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
