i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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