I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the day after is always just damage control
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize