Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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