I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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