when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
