i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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