Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
