happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
