Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize