i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
