I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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