last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
