Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
