id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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