FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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