I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
