I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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