Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
