you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
