who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize