he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
