i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
