my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize