you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
