I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize