I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
