You really coming over, don't trick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
