I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
