he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
