why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
