I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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