meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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