his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
