PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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