Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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