Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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