9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
