my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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