Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
