She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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