I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
