Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize