yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
