I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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