Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
