party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
