made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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