Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
