return my video game
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
